I have now joined the ranks of the Stay-At-Home-Mums, aka SAHMs. And I am 4.5 years late. I blame it on the fact that being a SAHM is not a norm around my circle of relatives and friends. Of course, my mum is a SAHM after having my brother and I. But most of my other relatives are working mums, and I remember my childhood days. I have cousins being dropped off at our place for my mum to babysit while their mums go out to work.
I don't really have many personal friends who are SAHMs themselves. Well, maybe only one or two. The norm is to go back to work, continue with whatever you were doing before you gave birth, and get someone to babysit your kids.
So, I followed the norm about 4.5 years ago. While pregnant with Isaac and even after giving birth, it had never occurred to me that maybe I should just stay home to look after him. Never. So, I went back to work full-time after my 3-months maternity leave. I would drop Isaac off at my parents' place, head off to work and return in the evening for dinner before bringing him home. Every weekday.
This continued for 2 years and at one stage it was a crazy juggling act. That was when I was pregnant with Jaden and still teaching full-time. I would still bring Isaac to my parents' place before heading off to work - but this time, with a big tummy - return in the evening for dinner and we'd bring Isaac back home. Every single weekday.
It still didn't cross my mind that I should just stay home. Until when I was about to deliver Jaden. The light came on and I thought why not take a year's no pay leave after Jaden's birth? And that was what I did. But the weird thing was I didn't continue. I should have just extended my leave for the next few years instead of stopping at one year. Like I said, I guess it was not the norm.
So after a year of going back to the workforce, it was almost like an overnight decision this time.
I was pondering for months that I should just stay home. We have discussed. But always with no conclusion.
One day, Isaac came back from school with a brochure for a parenting seminar. I took a look at it and just left it lying on the table. I had no intention at all to go for it.
But my husband saw the brochure and said, "Let's go for it."
I was very surprised as I didn't expect him to WANT to go for a parenting seminar, on a Saturday morning. Don't get me wrong. He loves the kids and is a great daddy. But Saturday is usually a kids-day, relaxing at home playing with the kids or bringing them to the playground and stuff like that. Not a day for attending a seminar.
He was like so decisive and even added, "Ask your mum to help us with the kids for that morning. Let's go for it."
When a man is SO decisive about wanting to go for a parenting seminar to be a better father, you won't say NO!
And THAT seminar was the turning point for me.
It was a seminar on parenting skills, some tips and methods for disciplining kids and so on.... but I can't remember most of the points, except this...
At one point of the seminar, the speaker told us parents,
"If you can afford it, mothers, stay home for your kids."
"If you can afford it, husbands, let your wife stay home for your kids."
He went on to say that many parents in our society got it the other way round. Many pursue their careers and leave their babies and little ones with others, be it grandparents, babysitters, maids, childcare. Ten years later, the mothers start to resign from their job to stay home, because PSLE is coming, they've got to be there for their kids to make sure they do well for it! "But by then it is too late," he said, "If you can, stay home for your kids, especially during the early years."
We made the decision there and then, right at that seminar, that I will stay home. Period.
So, first thing on Monday, I spoke to my principal, then to my supervisor and finally the VP.
On Tuesday, I submitted the application form for no-pay leave.
By Friday, they had gotten a teacher to replace my post and my application was approved.
All in a week.
By the way, it was stated on the application form that applicants must submit the form one month in advance to be considered for approval.
If you believe in God, this is divine.
If you don't believe in God, well, this is STILL a MIRACLE!
So here I am, offically a SAHM.
It is good to be a rare specie sometimes.
23 FOOTPRINTS:
Congratulations. I absolutely agree with what the speaker said here -
"If you can afford it, mothers, stay home for your kids."
"If you can afford it, husbands, let your wife stay home for your kids."
Kel and I took the plunge a year and a half ago and never looked back since. Were there times where we wondered if it was the right decision, wondered if we could cope financially? Hell yeah.
But we took a step of faith and sure enough, God provided.
You have made the right choice, now you just have to grit your teeth through those stormy moments (and they will come) when it seemed like it wasn't.
All the best!
hi ing, thanks for sharing your powerful story! the part on the what the speaker said, deeply touched me :) i myself made up my mind to quit a demanding job when all i wanted was a dinner with hubby n j on my birthday but no, an external meeting that had to happen in the evening took that simple wish away. i always knew my job was on call 24-7, my life revolves around my job. it was ok w/o a child, but definitely no longer possible with a kid, unless i constantly choose my career over my kid - which is something i refuse to. so hey,well done for making your decision so swiftly! :) God bless u n family!
>Daphne
Thanks! Yeah, God will provide.
I've enjoyed reading your blog even since I first visited it. If you've noticed, yours is under 'The Influential and Inspiring'. Haha. Thanks for stopping by!
>Byihui
It's true that with a child, adjustments have to be made. Glad that you had made the right decision too!
*clap clap* Congratulations! I had been following your blog - silently - for some time, and I thought you write really well. I truly applaud your bravery and decision to charge ahead with your SAHM decision. I wish I am that courageous! But for now, I prefer to take a less demanding job to have maximum work life balance...and see how it pans out!
>The Beauties In Our Lives
Thanks! Well, I only "charge ahead" after 4.5 years. :)
I guess as long as you can achieve work-life balance and you and yr kids are happy, that's the most important.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting! :)
Oh goodness, thank you! I..dunno what to say. I'm very honored.
Exciting times ahead for you but I sincerely believe you'll get through it. Do keep us posted on how it goes in the weeks to come.
You can do it!
Hi there, came across your blog while browsing... Its a brave decision you did there, and I'm sure you won't regret it! I'm a teacher too, and am on childcare leave, am planning to resign soon... I didn't want a case where I spent more time taking care of other people's children and not my own! Mother's care for their children the best! Take care, and God bless...
welcome to the ranks of the SAHM Ing!!! I am really greatly encouraged by your post. Truly, when it's a decision that is right with God, everything will fall into place bec it's done at the right season!!! :) *kudos sister*
>MamaJ
Thanks for stopping by! It's great for me to hear that you too are a teacher on childcare leave... makes me feel that I'm not the only "odd" one. :) God bless you too!
>Daphne,
Thanks, I truly believe exciting times are ahead!
>Mamabliss,
great to join all the mamas out there who are SAHMs! Thanks for your encouragement.
I came here via mamaJ's blog. Welcome to the SAHM club! You have made the right decision as you are the right person to bring up your own kids the way you want it to be. Cheers!
>Eileen
Thank you for your encouragement! I believe I've made the right decision. :) Thanks for stopping by too!
Im a bit late in commenting this but you can count me as one of your SAHM circle of friends bah! :) I agree, singaporeans just go it all wrong! Many of my frens are planning to stay home when the kids hit primary school, but i say that's too late. its best to near and present during their formative years especially when you can afford it. Congrats on embarking this amazing journey!
Hey chance upon your blog. In the same trade and going through like you, kid was 2 when #2 came along, took 3 more mths and went up, got promoted but couldn't cope so last yr took a yr off again yet now I'm back in the lowest rungs. Sometimes I wonder what is enough when everyone's going for enrichment. As a teacher I felt even worse. I know if I stay home, it's gonna be juz sufficient to meet basics…still in a delimma...
I'm a situation like you. Did what you did and I think my kids are about the same as yours with the elder 4yo this year. But went back to work this yr. Think it's a real occupational hazard that I worry I can't provide enough for my kids as juz one's pay is only enough to meet basic needs. Home without any helper I realised I'm only there for them but I've got no time to teach them if I had to cook and wash during my year of npl. Real delimma….
>Homeschool @ SG,
Thanks for visiting my blog. I too have friends and ex-colleagues who are planning to resign from their job once their kids enter P1. I've never understood their rationale for doing that. But well, people make their own choices.
You're homeschooling your child? That's not an easy feat but great job you're doing there!
>Joanie,
great to know another fellow teacher in the blogosphere!
I understand your dilemma. I've been there too... that's why it took me 4.5 years to finally make the decision. I have no helper at home now too. Have sent ours away 2 months ago since I'm a SAHM now. I guess being at home with the kids is more than just 'teaching' them stuff. It is about BEING THERE with them and for them at a tender age. There will come a time when our kids do not need us to be home so much anymore. That's why I have no regrets staying home for them now.
Hi Ing,
Happened to chance upon your inspiring post on why u stay at home. Same as you, a teacher on npl currently who only decided to stay at home when my ds 1 turns 4 and ds2 turns 1 last year. I'm very fortunate to have a very supportive husband who agrees on having a parent taking care of the kids in their former years rather than to send them to cc. Many times, I asked myself why am I taking care of other kids when my own kids need my attention... Like u again, I sent away my maid one month plus ago and have since been busied with housework so much so that I have not done much homeschooling with my kids. Thanks for your last comment that staying at home is more than homeschooling them, it's about being there for them... Makes me less guilty now...:)
>Hosanna,
thanks for stopping by!
I'm always happy to get to know fellow teachers. :) It's wonderful that you've decided to be there for your kids too. I'm sure they are happy to have mummy home with them now.
Hi Ing,
I read that you are expecting your no.3... Congratualtions!! :) just a question to ask... Are you still on npl? Do you have to go back to service for a period of time before you deliver in order to enjoy the maternity benefits? Cos that's wat I tot it should be and thus have been putting off my plans for having no.3...
Hosanna
>Hosanna,
Thanks!
Yes, I'm still on npl. What I understand is that in order to enjoy maternity benefits, you have to be in service for at least a few months before delivery. Not sure if it's 1 term or 1 semester prior to delivery. Which means in my case, I won't get to enjoy any maternity benefits.
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